If Only...

On my journey through this life I was blessed with receiving the Dharma name, Shinzen. Trust/Faith Zen. This is my path. To trust zen. For many years I have pondered what this really means to have faith. I am learning that faith and trust are not intellectual endeavors for philosophical discussion, but a deep practice of being centered here in this moment...this moment of my typing and yours now in your reading.

One theme that has jumped at me as of late is "There is no, if only"...I was reading an article from the Dharma Rain Zen Center on "Living in Vow" and the author, Alison Shin'ei Brown had this one sentence. "There is no, if only." Wow, what a powerful statement.

How often do we say to ourselves, "If only I had ___________". Insert whatever you want. Perhaps it is a job, a car, a partner, a black belt, a whatever. It is not so much the object of the If Only, but the intention and longing behind the If Only. To live in this state of If Only is to suffer. It is living for the future, not being here now.

Begin to notice how you live your life in this manner. As you notice it more and more you can learn to step out of it. Don't try to stop it or you will increase it..."if only I could stop if only" is a trap of the mind. Stop and just watch...this is the Zen Way. This the Shin Zen's Way. Faith Zen. Trust Zen.

No more If Only. Feels good. Then we can be like Basho:

"Fleas, lice
The horse pissing
near my pillow."

Hands palm to palm,
Shinzen

Death is our Guide

Did you know death can be very inspiring? In fact, death can be your guide to leading a very peaceful life here and now. In previous posts I wrote about a death meditation that I practice. In this post I am going to briefly show you how to use this death experience to manifest a life that is full of peacefulness, calmness and equanimity.

My death meditation is a simple one. For myself, the best death is to be sitting in zazen on an ocean beach. The sun shining, waves lapping on the shore, seagulls swirling and talking.  I am in between the ages of 85 -95 and then see my 'spirit' leaving my body...feeling peaceful, smiling, all is good. My life's journey is complete and all is well. Nothing left to do. One big 'aaahh' of relief and tranquility takes over.

That's my meditation.

Now, using what is called the Law of Attraction, I use this to co-create my life experiences to be able to experience this form of death. This peaceful death experience is my emotional GPS in going about my daily business. I simply enter into this meditative state and allow it to be with me throughout the day. I also can anchor this experience with a touch of my thumb and ring finger together along with a key word of 'aah'.  As I go about my day, when this 'aah' has left or my calmness/tranquility has left, I simply thank the uncomfortable experience and re-trigger my death experience. It brings me back to now and 'aahh'.

As I practice this meditation, the Law of Attraction will begin to make this death meditation a reality.  Having faith this is my end...and beginning...it makes this life, this moment, more peaceful and okay.  The struggle ceases. This is the faith of zen.

Hands palm to palm,
Shinzen

Trust

Who can wait quietly while the mind settles?

Who can remain still until the moment of action?

Lao Tzu

Trust. Lao Tzu believed that the ancient masters were characterized by their ability to trust and remain patient. They would remain unmoving until the right action became apparent. How about you?

As you know, Martial Arts requires good timing. A block arriving too late or too early is ineffective. Timing is ruined when the Karate-ka pushes too hard to make a technique work. Trust is important here. As you learn to trust, not only your training, but trust the moment itself, timing arrives naturally, organically, almost appearing mystical in nature.

When a technique develops organically, the next action inevitably suggest itself. It arises and happens as naturally as an apple falling from a tree. Does the apple let go or does the tree?

When confusion about what to do, cultivating the patience to allow the confusion to settle down is paramount.

Nonin would often talk about our mind being like a jar of water and sand. When the water is stirred it becomes muddy. The mind is confused and cannot see what to do next...but when you trust and stop stirring, allowing the sand/mud to settle, what needs to happen suddenly becomes clear.

Trust is essential. Without it your training becomes mechanical and eventually listless. Nonin gave me the Dharma name of Shinzen. Shin means Trust. My Dharma name means to Trust Zen. Nonin recognized in me the need to develop more trust in my life. I tend to be rather cerebral and Nonin was pointing me in the direction I needed to move by giving me this name. (which by the way I didn't like when he presented me with it...boy, was I stupid...it was the best name he could have given to me).

So, trust your martial training. Practice over and over the simple moves of Sanchin, Tensho, Seisan, Kusanku or any Kata for that matter. Trust the training and trust they will take care of you if and when the time to use them occurs. Trusting has made a big difference in my Martial Arts progress. I believe it has helped move me from being an analytical paint-by-numbers (or kick-by numbers) artist to one who can just simply draw free-form and produce wonderful works of art. I truly believe Trusting leads to transcendence of the technical and gives truer freedom to the practice of the Martial Arts.

The more I have trusted my training I find that no matters what an opponent throws at me there is always something there for me to take advantage of...it happens naturally and free of pre-meditative thought. It happens from Trust.

In Gassho,

Shinzen