If Only...

On my journey through this life I was blessed with receiving the Dharma name, Shinzen. Trust/Faith Zen. This is my path. To trust zen. For many years I have pondered what this really means to have faith. I am learning that faith and trust are not intellectual endeavors for philosophical discussion, but a deep practice of being centered here in this moment...this moment of my typing and yours now in your reading.

One theme that has jumped at me as of late is "There is no, if only"...I was reading an article from the Dharma Rain Zen Center on "Living in Vow" and the author, Alison Shin'ei Brown had this one sentence. "There is no, if only." Wow, what a powerful statement.

How often do we say to ourselves, "If only I had ___________". Insert whatever you want. Perhaps it is a job, a car, a partner, a black belt, a whatever. It is not so much the object of the If Only, but the intention and longing behind the If Only. To live in this state of If Only is to suffer. It is living for the future, not being here now.

Begin to notice how you live your life in this manner. As you notice it more and more you can learn to step out of it. Don't try to stop it or you will increase it..."if only I could stop if only" is a trap of the mind. Stop and just watch...this is the Zen Way. This the Shin Zen's Way. Faith Zen. Trust Zen.

No more If Only. Feels good. Then we can be like Basho:

"Fleas, lice
The horse pissing
near my pillow."

Hands palm to palm,
Shinzen

All Is Provided

The longer I am in the martial arts, the more I see how what you need is always there. When during an attack, the assailant actually gives me what I need in order to defend myself. This is difficult to put into words, but let's say my assailant attempts to push me straight back with both his hands. When his hands come at me I have a variety of ways to work with this and will take the one that 'feels' and 'flows' better. I don't have a pre-set method of dealing with this attack. What is there I use and the answer is provided. Even after I disrupt his initial attack and begin to 'mess him up' with either joint locks, hits, kicks or throws...it all depends on what he provides to me. This dictates the next movement.

All is provided when I need it.

This goes for life as well. Everything I need is already here. It is provided. But just like an attack I need to keep my center...and flow...and smile. Life will provide me with I need to do next. I don't have to pre-think or worry or have anxiety. I just have to trust.

In the martial arts, I trust my training. Defense and movement with another being is natural and no real concern. I am learning the same goes for life in general. Just gotta trust that no matter what life throws at me, I have the skills needed to flow and smile. On my journey this is about growing into my Dharma name of Shinzen...Trust Zen. I trust zen...I trust this moment...I trust that, just like an opponent, life provides exactly what I need to do next. Ahh...freedom!

Leap and the net will appear.

In Gassho,
Shinzen

Zen Buddhism is a Koan

Since the early 1970's I had an interest in Zen and its philosophy and practice. I fell in love with the works of Alan Watts and slept with Suzuki Roshi's 'Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind'. If a book had the word Zen in it, I bought it.

It wasn't until around 1988 that I began formal studies with a bona fide real life Soto Zen priest. I sat my first sesshin with Rev. Nonin Chowaney out of Omaha, Nebraska. It wasn't what I thought it was. From what I read Zen was about spontaneity, freedom and of course meditation. When we started sesshin I thought there would be more action, but all we did was sit and stare at a wall for what it seemed like, well, forever. My knees ached, my back ached and I had no idea that there was also so much bowing and full prostations. Then chanting sutras in Japanese! Totally lost.

Well, to get to the point of my post. Zen without Buddhism is basically Taoism. It is more in tune with nature and is about harmony and maintaining balance. Zen is about following the Way and developing a sensitivity and insight into the world, not necessarily the teachings of Buddha.

Buddhism is about ending suffering, finding enlightenment and following the teachings and doctrines of the historical Buddha. In some circles Buddhism can be very dogmatic and overly concerned with form and politics, not unlike the Catholic Church. Yet, I love the teachings of the Buddha and am very much influenced by them.

It just seems to me that Zen and Buddhism can be polar opposites. Zen and its humor and spontaniety...Buddhism with its form, scriptures and ritual. In many ways having them together is a living koan. Reconciling these two into a practice and way of life seems to be the conundrum that I have struggled with over the years....part of my bias is I distrust formal religion and its heirarchy. No wonder Nonin gave me Shinzen....Trust Zen....as my Dharma name.

But just now as I write, my Dharma name is Trust Zen, not Trust Buddhism...or even Zen Buddhism. Interesting...oh well. My wife wants to talk to me now and put my 'mistress', the laptop aside.

Hands palm to palm,

Shinzen

image courtesy of Buddhism Now

Trust

Who can wait quietly while the mind settles?

Who can remain still until the moment of action?

Lao Tzu

Trust. Lao Tzu believed that the ancient masters were characterized by their ability to trust and remain patient. They would remain unmoving until the right action became apparent. How about you?

As you know, Martial Arts requires good timing. A block arriving too late or too early is ineffective. Timing is ruined when the Karate-ka pushes too hard to make a technique work. Trust is important here. As you learn to trust, not only your training, but trust the moment itself, timing arrives naturally, organically, almost appearing mystical in nature.

When a technique develops organically, the next action inevitably suggest itself. It arises and happens as naturally as an apple falling from a tree. Does the apple let go or does the tree?

When confusion about what to do, cultivating the patience to allow the confusion to settle down is paramount.

Nonin would often talk about our mind being like a jar of water and sand. When the water is stirred it becomes muddy. The mind is confused and cannot see what to do next...but when you trust and stop stirring, allowing the sand/mud to settle, what needs to happen suddenly becomes clear.

Trust is essential. Without it your training becomes mechanical and eventually listless. Nonin gave me the Dharma name of Shinzen. Shin means Trust. My Dharma name means to Trust Zen. Nonin recognized in me the need to develop more trust in my life. I tend to be rather cerebral and Nonin was pointing me in the direction I needed to move by giving me this name. (which by the way I didn't like when he presented me with it...boy, was I stupid...it was the best name he could have given to me).

So, trust your martial training. Practice over and over the simple moves of Sanchin, Tensho, Seisan, Kusanku or any Kata for that matter. Trust the training and trust they will take care of you if and when the time to use them occurs. Trusting has made a big difference in my Martial Arts progress. I believe it has helped move me from being an analytical paint-by-numbers (or kick-by numbers) artist to one who can just simply draw free-form and produce wonderful works of art. I truly believe Trusting leads to transcendence of the technical and gives truer freedom to the practice of the Martial Arts.

The more I have trusted my training I find that no matters what an opponent throws at me there is always something there for me to take advantage of...it happens naturally and free of pre-meditative thought. It happens from Trust.

In Gassho,

Shinzen